Every now and again I feel like blogging, I end up posting things for a few weeks, and eventually bail on it, so I guess this is another attempt. Inspiration this time came from author/editor Maya Rock, every few months or so she’ll tweet something that catches my attention (not that her tweet hit/miss ratio is that bad) and I’ll wander to her blog, which isn’t all promotion like some blogs, and it isn’t just writing advice and relinked articles like other blogs, but when I read hers, I feel like I get to know her a little bit, which is ideally the kind of blog I’d want.
So, with that goal in mind, I’ve had this idea the past few months that this is a “transitional year” for me. And I’m not sure what the transition is, exactly, but it’s a feeling that’s lingered and seems to be coming true enough, 3 months in.
For one thing, I’m finally getting really close to finishing my 3rd book. I’ve been working on it since 2011, which is definitely the longest I’ve spent on a book so far. There have been many times I thought I was close to finishing only to have a new angle or focus in the book reveal itself, ending in major rewrites. But each draft I’ve done, I’ve been more and more happy with, and it really feels special to me. You never know if it’s going to do well, or go unnoticed or just coast on the shelves for a month or two, but it’ll feel really good to finally put it out in the world, regardless. Ideally that happens next summer.
In the meantime I’m starting to think about what comes next. My muse is fleeting there; I have lots of ideas but each time I settle on one, something else catches my interest. I’ve thought about a fantasy series, a children’s book, something middle grade, and I have ideas for YA, new adult and adult novels as well. At this very second I don’t know which one to pursue, but I guess I’ll go over that with my agent soon enough.
Another transition is I’ve lost about 25 pounds in the past 4 months or so. I’m not sure if that sounds like a lot or not, but I feel very different. Energetic, lighter on my feet, more confident in myself. I feel GOOD, basically, at least physically but mentally, too. Clothes that didn’t fit before fit again, people have been complimenting me unwarranted, which is nice.
Some of the transitions are bad, or maybe good disguised as bad? I guess this as good a place as any to talk about it, but I work a day job, nothing great but it’s pays the bills, and my position there is being eliminated, in fact this is my last week of day work. There’s no shortage of emotion wrapped up in it, good and bad. I never LIKED the job, it was actually stressful and annoying and worked completely against my skillset as a human being. It took up most of my time, not just working 40 hours a week but having to work 2 nights a week made it really hard to do much of anything. So, in a lot of ways it’s a massive relief and I’m glad to see it go. Also, a job elimination is way preferable to a firing, seeing as I’ll get paid for a few months and it’ll be somewhat easier to find new work. I think.
Finding new work is it’s own stressor. Do I look for clerical work, insurance stuff, what I know from the past 15 years to pay bills? Do I try and find work in art or literary fields? I can write a book and get paid for it but not enough or with any predictability or regularity to live off of it, at least not yet. My agent and editor suggested I could build a portfolio and try to do some book cover art. Again, a good option but won’t keep me in my apartment past the next month. Truthfully, I never really learned how to “make a living” doing what I love. Poor me, I know most people are in that boat. I grew up wanting to be an artist; got old enough to move out and had to pay the bills, and here I am now.
On the precipice of something, but never quite there.
Those are just the “big” things. I’ve been thinking about dating (hey, hey, unemployed bachelor!), there’s some family grief in the air, I’ve gone to some meetings that are helping me discover some stuff about myself. It all seems like a lot, there’s a lot in the air. I’m glad to see winter passing, and I’m ready for spring, cliché as it is.
I’m hopeful and optimistic, confident things will work out, but I’m not quite there yet. Still waiting to see.
Side note: I intended this blog to be funny when I first started it. Make of that what you will.